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 Post by Taria on 06/28/2004 at 17:16:54
I sometimes consider my oft-ambivalent relations regarding my relatives. Disregarding for the moment the shadow-individuals who actually raised me, the earliest people I can recall are Deirdre, Corwin, and Benedict. Now that I know more about the scions of Amber, I am struck by the revelation that those three are an interesting combo. From what I know of family history and gossip, Deirdre and Corwin have ever been close; but where does Benedict, Master of War, fit into this quaint picture? And always, the question of my parentage lingers in my mind. My heritage is of the one, true Amber, that is certain – I walked the Pattern and survived – but from which of the feuding members of this family can I trace my bloodline? A simple question, on the surface… but then why is it never answered? Deirdre and Corwin have expressed either denial of possessing the knowledge or have simply sidestepped the subject, as all of the Amberites – all of my family – are apt and practiced at doing. Benedict simply responds with silence in that implacable way of his. The question has, of course, crossed my mind that they simply do not know themselves. From what I gather, the presence of one of us in a particular Shadow will strengthen it, and if long enough is spent, that Shadow will even began to throw Shadows of its own, complete with copies of the Amberite who dwells therein. Perhaps I was sired, unknowingly, and was simply discovered later because of the strength of the Shadow. Whatever the truth, I know that I cannot ask too broadly about such a subject; keeping one’s own counsel is the unwritten law of survival in Amber. I have been able to find little with careful inquires and the like; little more will be gained by pursuing the question. In light of the recent events, I have had no taste for doing so at any rate. The emergency that has occurred recently, taking Amber by surprise, is far more important at this time. Although I do feel grief for those lost to us, and hope that they will be returned to us unharmed, I cannot help but feel a sense of… satisfaction as well. This self-serving emotion does not become me, and I dislike that I am capable of such a feeling. Truly, my relatives have been a pox on my life at times, but that is true for all families… mine just a little more than most. Even they do not deserve that which has befallen them; a mysterious disappearance, no telling if they are living or dead… no one deserves this, to fall without honor. Of course, honor in Amber is all relative as well, unlike my home Shadow of Averdor. The day-to-day tension that grips the palace even in the best of times is proof of that. No trust is given freely here, and none taken without suspicion. I cringe at the memories of my demeanor when I first arrived here, but a year ago… how I could have been ever so naïve is beyond my current comprehension. And even now, I am swimming with sharks and am not one myself. In order to survive, it seems I must become a shark… but do I want to give up that which makes me me? I fear that I must in order to become a shark… and do not wish to. I must wait and see if circumstances cause me to grow bigger teeth than those that I currently possess. |
