14 Some Gender Pitfalls and How to Minimize Their Effects

On the one hand, it is still a bit unrealistic to expect that every faculty member in the department is enlightened on the subject of appropriate ways to deal with faculty members of the opposite sex, or with those whose sexual orientation is different. On the other hand, it is doubly uncomfortable when the boors are in power positions.

If you do have uncomfortable encounters with faculty members or other colleagues, be prepared to set very precise rules about future interactions. Here are some samples that may or may not fit your style:

• Be polite but reserved until the relationship feels safe.

• Don't complain about every minor issue; reserve your credibility and your energy for big troubles.

• Hold discussions at a desk or conference table, not at a sofa, and in an office, not a residence.

• Don't become emotionally involved with one of your students or with one of your professors or supervisors. You will inevitably pay a high price professionally, whether the relationship goes well or ill. Consider the relationship (or, better, the potential relationship) on ``hold'' until after the professional obligation has ended.

• Refuse to discuss marital problems (or problems with a relationship) with a person who is attracted to members of your gender. Be sympathetic, but refer the person to a colleague for whom there is no potential attraction or to a professional.

• Refuse to tell or listen to sexual or sexist jokes in the office, even if you are comfortable with them at a social gathering.

• If you are being subjected to sexual harrassment, document it as carefully as you can: talk to a trusted colleague, keep a log, try to get witnesses or written evidence. If legal in your locale, record your interactions with the troublesome person; if not, consider maintaining a cellphone connection to someone who can listen and act as a credible witness. Once you have built a case, don't be afraid to pursue it, but don't underestimate the pain that it will cause you. (See the Resource section.)