LIGHT BULB JOKES- STAR TREK

Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one. A Klingon would never display such dishonor by allowing 
someone else to help him with such a remedial task.

A: Two. One to change it, and the other to shoot him and take
the credit.

Q: How many Romulans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 151. One to change it and 150 to self-destruct the ship in disgrace.

Q: How many Ferengi does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Five. One to get the lightbulb at the lowest possible price, one to hold
a second standing on it's shoulders so he can reach the lightbulb, one to
sell the used bulb for as much as possible, and one to watch the whole thing
and act REALLY annoying.

A: None. They'd rather sell if for a profit than use it!

Q: How many Betazoids? 

Two. One to change it, and one to sit there and moan "Darkness. I sense
darkness." 

Q:  How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  "Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000"

Q. How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb?
 
A. Can't be done. They keep sticking their fingers in the socket
 	   to feed.

Q:  How many Organians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A:  Lightbulb?  What do Orgainians need lightbulbs for?!!

Q:  How many Platonians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A:  They can't; they're short Alexander!

Q:  How many Gorn does it take to change a lightbulb?

A:  Only one, but it takes tons of lightbulbs!

Q:  How many Borg does it take to change a lightbulb?

A.  One to change the bulb and the rest to assimilate General Electric

Q:  How mnay Tammarians does it take to change a light bulb?

A.  "Darmok, cast into darkness; Temba, his arms wide; bring forth the sun!"


 Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a
    light bulb?
 
 A: 7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the
    Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones
    to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices
    that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't
    see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency
    stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a
    light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red
    shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are
    promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party
    is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship
    approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection.
    Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as
    a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs 
    they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the
    planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. The new bulb is inserted, 
    and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.
 
 
Q: How many people in TNG does it take to screw a lightbulb?
A: Nine.

A light blub in the bridge dies.

Riker : GEORDI--WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
Picard: Someone remove the lightbulb.  Conference!

In the Conference room.

Troi  : (putting her hand on the dead bulb) I feel... pain.
Worf  : The bulb is useless now, Captain.  Let me dispose of it.
        (unholsters phaser and adjusts it to "OBLITERATE" setting)
Data  : (thinking about what Worf said) Captain, if I were to
        become non-functional like this bulb, would I receive
        a regular burial or would I be disposed of like...
Picard: Shut up, Data.  Hold your fire, Mr. Worf.  Where is Mr.
        LaForge?
Geordi: (stepping into the room) Here, Captain.  I'm afraid we're
        out of light bulbs.  Who needs light anyway?  With my VISOR,
        I can clearly see despite the absence of visible light.
Bev   : I can surgically remove everyone's eyes and outfit us all
        with VISORs...
Wes   : No way, Mom.  Wait!  I got it!  I'll build us a positronic
        krigga-wave-condensing incandescent light generator!
Riker : Excellent, Wes.  BTW, WHAT THE HELL are you doing in this
        meeting?  This is for senior officers only!  Worf, put
        Ensign Crusher in the brig!
Worf  : (To Wes, grinning) You will walk or I will carry you!
Bev   : You're not touching my son!

Everyone lurches.  Outside, two Borg ships begin attacking the
Enterprise.  Everyone rushes to the bridge.  Q suddenly appears on
the bridge.

Picard: Q!  End this!
Q     : Temper temper, mon capitan.  Can't you humans take a joke?
        (snaps fingers--Borg ships disappear)
Picard: I didn't mean the Borg ships--I meant the light bulb!
Q     : Oh.  Sorry (snaps fingers again--bulb is restored).  Until
        next time!  (flash of light--Q disappears)
Picard: (hands restored bulb to Wes) prepare to screw light bulb.
Wes   : Aye, Captain (holds bulb in position over bulb socket)
Picard: Engage!